you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
