he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize