i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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