Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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