The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize