I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
