Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
