Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
