It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
