no, he came in my armpit
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
