What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize