Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
