Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
