I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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