I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
