I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize