Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
