I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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