I heard we made out
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
