I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
