are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
