peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
