Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
