like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
two words...techno handjob
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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