Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
