At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
