there was a trapeze. enough said
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
