So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
