onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
