I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
