so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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