I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
