This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
this is an emotional support booty call
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
