So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
soo... how was my night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
