Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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