it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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