He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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