Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We're too hungover to prance.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize