I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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