Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
