I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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