Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
