I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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