I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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