I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
