I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
