Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
