just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
