butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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