I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
