I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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