We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
3pm strippers are depressing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize