Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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