you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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