if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Rumble strips road head = magical
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
