$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You took a bar mat shot.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
