at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Randomize