that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
