Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
