I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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