I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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