I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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