Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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