I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize