im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
