That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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