you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
