With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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