I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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