I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
