so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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