I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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