People in love make me want to vomit
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
