Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
