Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
