So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
