I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
